It was very bleak today. I’m not just referring to the weather, though it contributed, but rather to the piling up of things I don’t know how to deal with. I woke up with very little sleep over the course of the last few nights. Last night was because Mamaw underwent emergency exploratory surgery; without it, she’d have surely died, but with it the doctor only gave her a 50/50 chance. She made it through, and was in stable condition, but by that time it was already past midnight.
I wake up this morning–barely–to the hard rain outside my window. As soon as I make it out of the shower and flip on the morning news–I’ve gotten into the habit of doing that lately–I hear the terrible news about London. I could only muster a furrowing of my brow. Ali’s in London right now, and I’m worried about her. I know she’s alright, but that doesn’t let me rest easy until I’ve heard something.
I am sad, and it’s a deep continuous sadness that I’ve felt all day. It’s the kind of underlying emotion that’ll make you tear up at some random time without provocation. You’ll find yourself staring at a dusty bookshelf as your vision goes blurry until someone breaks in with, “Are you okay?”
No… not really.
